homework? what’s that?

Every time I feel like I have things under control, I realize I’m failing. The last week has been great. C’s numbers have been good, he hasn’t felt sick, I’ve been cooking good dinners, been trying to keep up with exercising the dogs, I wake up to check his blood 2-3 times per night, more when his numbers are funny.
I go to work in the morning and I’ve been staying all day. I’ve been exhausted. I come home and I need to take a nap most days. Or at least do nothing and let my brain shut off for a while.
School’s doing state testing this week and next. I’ve been busting my ass to make sure from like 3:00pm on we’re as absolutely careful as possible about what and when C eats so he can keep in-range numbers, get to sleep at a decent hour, get up ready to eat breakfast and get to school on time. We’ve done it both days so far. By the way, I’m trying to be a mom to my other son at the same time as all of this.
Sooo, I pick C up from school today and he tells me that his teacher was really mad today and is going to email me. Apparently C didn’t do his book report that was due today. I wish he did. I wish I’d helped him. To be honest, it had barely crossed my mind. It was on the very bottom of my priority pile. So here I am, feeling like I’m letting him slip school and its importance and frankly, I don’t care. How can I right now? I’m not sure the teacher understands that I’m at the end of my rope here. Some days I’m not sure how I’m going to make it to the next day. I wonder how I’ll keep C healthy. I wonder how I’ll make sure E gets enough of my time. I’ll wonder how I’m supposed to keep my job. I wonder how I’ll make the mortgage this month. I’ll wonder if C will be ok if I accidentally sleep through my 3am alarm and don’t test him. I don’t sleep just in case I won’t wake up from the alarm. And with all of this bullshit, I’m supposed to remember that he needs to get his book report done. I don’t know how other parents are doing it. I have no idea how I’ve made it and stayed fairly sane this long. I have no idea how I’m supposed to keep it up.
I’m not looking forward to getting this email today. I’m feeling like I’m too sleep-deprived to answer it properly.

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One Response

  1. Yesterday I was a mess. This whole thing with school being on my back really upset me. Lately, I haven’t slept well mind you. I spoke to my mom about it and she gave me the best advice ever. When I get the email or the conference with the teacher (or any other time something like this comes up) all I have to do is reply with “We’re doing the best we can.”
    Done.

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