Lost

Most days, C makes good decisions with his diabetes management.  I trust him when I’m not around to make the right choices and know what to do.  Every once in a while, that is not the case and it’s hard not to let that frustration destroy my day.

Take today for example.  C woke at 122.  I corrected it and he only wanted bacon and eggs for breakfast.  No carbs.  He took a stupid sugar-free vitamin sample which was 3 carbs (sugar alcohol) and I did not bolus for it.  I had no reason to think that there would be a problem with his blood sugar.

I left work early so I’d have time to take my dog for a run/bike ride before picking them up.  While I was out, I got a call from C, “Mom my blood sugar’s 538.”  I asked him to retest and he said that he already wiped his hands with alcohol and retested… It didn’t occur to me to ask him what the other number was.  My bad.  I told him to correct and I’d be there in 5 minutes.

As soon as I picked him up I had him retest with the Ping meter. 206.  In a panic, I grab his other meter to scroll through and see that his first number was 296, after that he washed his hands and came up with the 538.  I asked him why he wouldn’t have retested at that point realizing that these numbers were way to far apart.  His answer was that he wasn’t feeling very good so he figured the 538 was right.  Fuck.  All I can think of is that he gave way too much insulin for his actual number and I’m panicking.

I get home and I’m trying my hardest to relax and not get in a bad mood about this mistake.  I asked how much insulin it wanted to give him when he corrected.  2 units.  Huh?  I was thinking it must’ve been like 4.  So, I check… sure enough it should’ve suggested 4.35 units.  Now I’m fucking pissed.  I asked him if there had been IOB or what the heck was going on and he’s lost.  “I hate having diabetes.  It’s too confusing.” was his answer.

This is the first time he has ever said that he hated diabetes.

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7 Responses

  1. Ugh. Pooh.

    It’s 11 o clock there I think. Hopefully this has worked it’s way out of his system and things are back on track – I always find that helps my disposition and perspective greatly.

    I remember Caleb saying he hated diabetes for the first time. He’s always so good about it and seemingly unaffected by it – hearing him say it surprised me. He only says it at Pod change time and rarely even then. But by golly, who wants to get stuck with a needle? And who wants to have to figure out math all day just to stay alive?

    It sounds like he’s going great. Every time there’s a bump in the road like this, I try (and it’s not always easy) to view it as a teaching moment. Before you know it, the bumps are fewer and farther between.

    Hugs Emily. 🙂

    • Thanks Lorraine. This was actually about a month ago. I’m really bad about posting things that I write. Then later (like today) I realize they’re drafts and hit post… oops. Sorry to confuse.
      It’s weird how we’re suprised to hear them say it, right? Of course they should hate it, but when they’re normally just cruising along like it’s nothing it hurts to hear it verbalized.

  2. Wait a minute – is this post a month old? Not three hours? I’ve got a bunch of your posts showing up in my RSS right now???? lol

  3. I don’t remember the first time I said I hated diabetes, but it wasn’t very long after I was diagnosed. I wasn’t on a pump and was taking regular and NPH, (old school insulin that was difficult to manage!) and my highs and lows were frequent! I know it breaks your hear to have him feel like that, but he will probably always hate diabetes, but he will learn that it is just something he has to deal with.

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