The other day I posted about how great it is being able to leave C alone and how wonderful he is at taking care of himself… Well, today I had a bit of reality thrown at me. Although, I typically don’t blame diabetes or get angry with diabetes (anymore!), I definitely felt the unfairness of it today.
Last night, E and I went to the Dodgers game (they lost) and C stayed at his friend’s house until we got home at midnight. This morning I decided to let him sleep when I went to work due to that. I tested him and gave a correction bolus. Woke him slightly to tell him I was leaving and that was that.
About an hour later I texted him asking if he was awake yet. No answer, still sleeping? I called about 15 minutes later, no answer. I texted again with no answer. I tried to call my roommate but got a text back that she was at work. I called him probably a total of 20 times over the next 15 minutes. I called the house phone (which we never answer because we only use it to call 911 and don’t give out the number) and of course, he didn’t answer.
I jumped in my car and headed home. The entire way trying to mentally prepare for what could be the worst. Picturing my son unconscious, maybe seizing, maybe dead. Wondering if he had already been dropping this morning when I gave the correction dose and I’d pushed him too far. Thinking about the people who have expressed that they don’t think I should let C stay home alone because of D and how I’m going to want to punch them for judging me if something happens to him. Thinking of his Dr. and how she probably wouldn’t approve of ‘her’ kids being left home alone and how diabetes is the one to blame in all of this. I’d never ever have these awful thoughts in my head if it hadn’t shown up in our lives. But it did. I haven’t felt that angry in a long time. Granted, I have a lot of other SHIT going on in my life which probably helped me reach that level of being upset, but I just truly fell back into my old(er) thoughts of just feeling that C and I were cheated.
Of course he was fine. Of course he was sitting on the couch playing video games and eating popcorn. Of course he left his phone, on vibrate, in his bedroom and totally forgot to call me when he tested. Ya, he heard the house phone ringing off the hook and thought it was weird but it never occurred to him that someone would be calling HIM on that phone.
I went over the rules with him again and added a new one that if the house phone rings twice in a row or even more he needs to start answering it. I have been really pushing myself to think of C, not a kid with diabetes, in all situations. If he hadn’t been diagnosed with this would I leave him home alone at 12 years old? Yes, without a doubt. So, scary or not, that’s what I’m going to do.