You Are Getttttting Sleeeeeepy

Last night we couldn’t shake the lows, or maybe the “too-low-for-bed”s.  A 65 at bedtime got 24 carbs of ice cream.  3o minutes later a 59 got a juice box.  20 min later he was 96.  Cool, removed pump and he took a shower.  Came out 40 minutes later bg 87.  I lowered his pump to -50% and he had some popcorn.  Normally I wouldn’t dream of keeping that 50% for more than 2 hours TOPS, but I can’t wake up to alarms anymore.  It’s like my brain is so used to hearing them that it just doesn’t care anymore.  Sometimes I’ll hit snooze for 2 1/2 HOURS before I realize I was supposed to get up!!!  After that much alarming, I feel like I didn’t get a wink of sleep.  Anyways, I left it at -50% for four hours. JUST IN CASE.  When I finally did get up to check he was 386.  Not cool.

Two weekends ago the plan was to do night basal testing.  I set alarms for every 90 minutes for the entire night.  I woke up in the morning and realized I didn’t get up ONCE!  What the heck?!?

 

So.  The plan?  My mom’s on the hunt for a hypnotherapist for me.  She’s going to find one that can hypnotize me to wake up when I hear the alarm.  Not only that, wake up feeling refreshed.  I’m pretty excited.  She got hypnotized when I was a baby to quit smoking.  They had her picture picking up one of those gross spit pots (like in an old saloon) and drinking from it every time she thought of smoking and it worked!

 

What if this helps?!  It could be the greatest thing for a D’rent ever!  Wake up easily? Feeling refreshed?  Sounds freaking great.  I’ll be sure to update when she finds my miracle-worker.

 

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preoccupation? obsession?

E is preoccupied with diabetes.  He does not have it himself, but it is obviously in his face all the time and he’s clearly soaking up everything.  He talks about it a lot and he has a lot of knowledge of it all.

The other night my cousin came over with her 2 1/2 year old.  My kids had never met them and they stayed for dinner.  In the middle of eating, out of nowhere, E says, “I bet if he had to test he’d only need the lancet on number 1.  Maybe 1 1/2.”

I told him he was probably right and we went on with dinner.  I don’t think it had hit me before that how deeply E has also been affected by everything.  Just like the rest of us, no matter what he’s doing, it’s always on his mind.

lessons taught… by sleepless me

I’m averaging 3-4 phone calls from C a day from school telling me every reason under the sun why he’s not feeling well and needs to come home. I work, mind you.  And my work gave me more hours back two weeks ago. So far I have not been able to work these extra hours due to my children’s Dr.’s appts, sicknesses, Spring Break and crazy phone calls from the Health Office at school.  It’s getting old.  These are the times I wish we were a two-parent household so that somebody else could deal with at least half of the shenanigans.
This morning I heard, “Mom, I don’t feel good.”
My response… “Me either.  Just like you, I feel like crap every single morning. But every morning I get up, get dressed, go to work and get on with my day even though I don’t want to.  You feel like this every day, you don’t have to tell me anymore. You don’t even have to call me from school anymore to tell me.  When I’m at work, I know that you likely are feeling like crap at school.  If you absolutely need me, call.  Otherwise, I’m out of ideas for you.”
And Mom of the Year goes to….

how many carbs are in movie theater popcorn? beats me.

Today we were supposed to go to a JDRF event, but C wanted to go to a friend’s birthday party instead.  This was really hard for me.  He’s definitely at an age (and has been for quite some time) that it’s very normal to drop your child off at a party and come pick them up later.  This doesn’t work well with me anymore.  He doesn’t seem to mind (yet), but I still feel bad.  This was even a worse case than you might think.  It had everything working against a drop off.  It started at Chuck E Cheese and then moved to the movie theater.  The parents spoke Spanish and very little English.  I speak English and even less Spanish than they spoke English.  It was tricky, to say the least, to explain why he wasn’t eating the pizza.  I felt like an asshole trying to explain gluten to people who didn’t understand me to begin with.  They were super nice people and I did attempt to have conversations with them though the night, but it was tough.  There was a lot of awkward silence.
Then, C went with them in the car to the theater.  It was so weird to me that I had to call my mom and break the news to her.  What a dork!!
Then we saw the movie (Alice in Wonderland) and here’s where the night really started for me.  C is going to eat a small popcorn at the theater everytime we go no matter what.  I have a very hard time estimating how much popcorn is in their SMALL popcorn.  My latest guess is NINE CUPS.  Small?  Anyways, last time he skyrocketed up to almost 400 afterwards.  BUT, I have to throw that one out because it ended up being a crappy infusion set.  So, tonight I went with  guessing it was 40 grams/carbs.  It’s my starting guess.  I actually thought it was much more, but was not in the mood for him going low at the movies.  Tonight, he dropped the bag.  Which meant I’m holding my fucking phone like a flashlight on the floor trying to guess how many damn cups of popcorn are now on the ground.  It was hard enough to figure out when they were neatly contained in a bag.  Close to impossible to figure out when they’re spread out under the whole row in front of you.  How will I ever KNOW how many carbs are in that bag if this crap keeps happening??  So, C’s sweet friend offers the rest of her bag.  Which is half full.  Not the same amount as on the ground.  I was torn and finally decided (although now I’m not sure how I got to this number) to bolus for another 15 carbs.  And of course I missed the rest of the movie because I’m second guessing myself the whole rest of the time.  I gave him a fun size packet of Pop Rocks for free (no bolus).  They’re only 5 carbs and for some reason I was thinking I gave him too much insulin and wanted to play on the safe side.  After that point, I’m thinking I blew it again and he’ll probably hit the 3hundos on account of my reckless guesstimating.
We got in the car and he tested.  120.
Booyaa!!!!  There might’ve been more thinking going on than I ever wanted to deal with during a movie, but it worked!

overwhelming frustration

I’m so tired.  I’m tired because I can’t sleep.  Since I don’t sleep, I’m too tired to get hungry and I forget meals.  Then I get a cold.  Ugh.  Sometimes I get so stressed about C and making he’s healthy and eating the right amount of good food minus the gluten that I realize I haven’t been noticing homework and then I have something new to stress about.  It’s so hard to fall asleep and then there’s the damn alarm at 2 am.  Once I’m up checking his blood glucose, I’m up.  There’s no falling back asleep.  There’s been a few times in the past week I’ve watched the clock change to 5:00.  Most nights it’s somewhere in the 4:00/:30 range.  I’ll have a million things running through my head.  You know, all the things I normally thought about in the daytime when I could do something about it.  Now I just spend my days running back and forth meeting C for insulin, picking them up from school, trying to work in between, meeting with the teachers… it’s never ending.  I come home and feel so overwhelmed that I don’t do squat.  I look at the laundry that needs to be put away and I don’t care.  I see medical bills that I need to call about and find out why they’re not billing insurance and I don’t even know where to start.  I look at the pile of papers on my desk that are just waiting to get filed and look away.  I just feel exhausted.  If I try to take a nap I feel guilty for not doing the things I should.  I’m truly frustrated right now.  I have way too much on my plate and I don’t know how to juggle it all.  My mom’s here and thank goodness because the boys wouldn’t have lunches at school if she weren’t up early making them and we definitely wouldn’t have any clean dishes.  We wouldn’t have any food in the cupboards if she wasn’t going grocery shopping.  I just wish I could hand over C’s care.  Even for a short time.  A few hours and not feel on edge.  When he’s not with me, I feel like he’s in danger.  My mom can take care of him and I trust her, but I can’t be sure that she or he will remember to test his blood before bed.  He’s got an alarm on his phone as to when to take his Lantus, but what if he doesn’t hear his phone?  Will anyone remember?  It’s so frustrating.  Our school health tech is really nice, but I don’t see her being the slightest bit involved in his insulin-giving at lunch.  I’ve told her on many occassions that my plan is to NOT come every day forever, but I don’t know if she even knows what to do.  He’s at an age where he does everything himself, but he NEEDS supervision because he IS a kid and he IS new to this.  He needs someone else to count his carbs because sometimes he missing some on his list.  He needs someone to double check the number on his insulin pen to be sure that it’s the right amount.  It’s so crazy important that even though I know how great he is, I can’t trust any 10 year old (even him) to always do everything right.
Anyway, there’s my rant.  Now if I were only screaming all of this loudly I might feel a little better  🙂

a week later

home a week and things are going pretty well. I’m feeling a lot less emotional and moving on. Life’s close to normal. The scheduling with meals at the same time every day might be the hardest part for me right now. I’m still so darn tired and I have to stay up until 9:00 to give insulin, wake up at 2:00am to test his blood and then be up and ready to give insulin and breakfast at 7:00am. During the day I have no time to nap because it goes like this:
insulin/breakfast, go to work, give snack, leave work, give insulin/lunch, give snack, give insulin/dinner, give snack, give insulin, go to bed, wake up, start over…
Hopefully by next week I’ll be feeling even better all over again. I think so.
We’ve been trying to continue on with our normal activities and yesterday went to Vertical Heaven for the boys to do some rock climbing. They had so much fun and were both BEAT by the time we left. Tomorrow is the X Games. It’s been something I’ve been scared of since I found out about the diabetes. It will be the first time we leave the comfort of our city and truly try to do whatever we were going to do with this added issue. I’m feeling like his glucose levels are closer to a steady pattern than last week, so hopefully all will be well. I’ve got my fingers crossed. Then, Saturday and Sunday we have birthday parties to go to. I may bring our own food just so I know how many carbs and that there will definitely be something for a picky diabetic…

p.s. i just contradicted myself. I emailed someone who’d written to me and broke down as upset and scared as I was last week. God, I hope it’s true that you really do adjust and get the hang of all of this stuff quickly.

day 2 home…

Two days home and it’s getting more and more stressful! AGH! I had to call the hospital today to get advise from (calmed down by) a nurse. We went to the movie theater today though and all went well. I’m trying to make sure I leave the house. I could be a hermit and be perfectly happy especially if the idea of having a glucose emergency were hanging over my head. So, I’m forcing myself to have quick trips out of the house. Also, C was just getting his freedom to roam the neighborhood with his friend recently and now I’ve had to take that away until I know we have this under control. Poor guy.
This evening I even let my mom take him to the grocery store! That was nerve wracking, too, but that’s when I took advantage and called the nurse in hysterics… All will work out. I know it will. And still, C’s handling everything like a champ. Man, I love that kid.